‘They told me I couldn’t leave until I let them into the building to sell drugs’

A Hiatt Baker fresher was threatened and held against his will by two men posing as taxi drivers who were trying to gain access to the halls of residence.

The first year, who wishes to remain anonymous, told The Tab he was ordering a post-club, late-night meal from Jason Donervan’s, when he struck up conversation with a man also outside the food truck, who was apparently refusing to pay the full two pounds for his chips.

As all great stories begin, this involved the Donervan

As all great stories begin, this involved the Donervan

The man told the fresher he was a taxi driver, and after negotiating the price back to Stoke Bishop, the first year got into the man’s “taxi”, a silver BMW.

“When I got into the car, there was already another man sitting in the passenger seat, which was weird. Also, I had to direct the ‘cabbie’ back to halls because he didn’t even know where Stoke Bishop was.”

According to the first year, the two men spent the journey repeatedly asking him whether there were currently any parties in Stoke Bishop.

“They kept on shouting, ‘where’s the party at?’ which was obviously really fucking weird.”

When they arrived in Stoke Bishop, the fresher handed over the amount of money that had been agreed, but they demanded more.

After giving up on getting cash from him, they then asked him if he knew anywhere they could sell drugs.

They sat in the car at the transport hub and refused to let the first year leave

They sat in the car at the transport hub and refused to let the first year leave

“They asked me if I knew anywhere they could sell Nos or Weed, but I told them I didn’t.

“They still didn’t let me out of the car and were asking me to let them into the building, so I told them what the code was to get them off my back. The next day I realised how stupid that was and quickly got the code changed.”

Since the incident occurred, two men have been caught by security trying to gain access to Hiatt Baker.

A resident of the hall told The Tab: “We were watching TV when we heard a knock at the door.

“We thought it was a friend, so we said ‘it’s open’ and two muttering men were just standing there, looking really awkward. They asked if we wanted to buy any laughing gas.

“We didn’t believe they’d actually come to sell drugs. They looked as though they didn’t expect anyone to be in, as if they were planning on robbing empty rooms. Plus they didn’t even have any laughing gas appliances on them. When they left we called security straight away.”

  • Dan

    Why should your height have any impact on how often you go out? Also, being small doesn’t make it okay to act like a dweeb.

  • Jimmy Rustler

    A midget and he goes to Oxford Brookes, can he be anymore fucked?

    • Total Flanker

      Yes, he’s obviously on the spectrum.

  • Über lolz

    If I saw him on a dance floor I’d pick him up and punt him.

  • Baz

    You’re a walking No Curfew advert.

  • Moist

    Honestly, just stop, no one cares about this autist or his predictable and cringe-worthy antics. This isnt news, these people can be found hovering awkwardly in the corner of any shit tier night club across Britain. Eat shit clubber steve.

  • Christ

    What an insufferable cunt.

  • Alice

    Well that was three and a half minutes of my life I’m never getting back.

  • Anon

    If you don’t go to Brookes, you’re not going to understand this one bit. #LocalCeleb

  • ;

    The negative comments here are terrible. He seems like a nice guy making the most of his youth; what’s wrong with that?

  • Nobody


  • Stinky Pits

    Get Stephen Hawking back to the Delorean!

  • More Tab Degeneracy

    Someone should go Mike Tindall on this little twat!