It’s a kind of superpower


These are the easiest to spot: the best dressed (and best looking) kids on campus are always the linguists. We’re not even trying, we’re naturally this chic. We wear European brands (Zara, H&M) and we love brands you can’t get in the UK. For some reason we really like wearing sunglasses. We can’t help it though, we’re just excited for our year abroad.

We call this look ‘Parisian chic’

Fun fact: the entrance requirements for a languages degree include one foreign language A-level, a good grasp on grammar structures and an endless supply of red lipstick.

Oh yeah, did I mention we get a year abroad?


“We’re not all obsessed with animals.”

She doesn't know it's not real

She doesn’t know it’s not real

Langford Chic

Langford chic

Vets don’t always dress well, but you wouldn’t either if you’d just had your hands up the the rear end of a cow, would you?

When they aren’t in their Langford clothes they dress like farmers, horse riders or they’re head-to-toe in animal prints. There is no in-between for them. Be careful not to confuse the vets with the biologists. Though they may dress similarly apparently their degrees are completely different.

English Lit/History

Your dress sense (much like your degree) is stuck in the past.

He’s concentrating so hard he doesn’t realise he’s wearing his hat inside

Like philosophy students, you guys never wear clothes you bought from regular shops. Everything you wear comes from charity shops/vintage markets/your great grandparents’ closet.


These people spend too much time contemplating life to be worried about fashion. At the end of the day, what’s the meaning behind it all?

Badock resident or philosophy student?

Philosophy students are also easy to identify as most walk around campus wearing pyjamas. Oh, and their eyes look like that because they’re tired from a night of reading Nietzsche (nothing to do with the shrooms they had last night, honest).

He bought his clothes on his gap year

Interestingly they don’t actually need to use deodorant because the smell of weed masks any other odours they have.

“It is the mark of an educated mind to entertain a thought (of wearing trousers like that) without accepting it.” -Aristotle


You guys dress like the Goldman Sachs/Clifford Chance employees you one day aim to be. However, it’s not only your dress sense that sets you apart from the other students: it’s the way you guys walk around like you’re smarter than the rest of us.

His future’s so bright he needs shades

“We always look this good.”


These students are too busy designing car seats to be bothered with fashion. You may laugh, but according to a recent study these guys are going to be billionaires one day.

One of these boys might just be the next Bill Gates



  • Anya

    Journalism at it’s finest…

  • Kevin

  • Kieran can’t read a map

    The Tab needs a geographic department. No one seems to realise that Butler is actually closer than some other colleges.

  • Megan Crowther

    Hi there Kieran,

    I’m Megan Crowther, a Senior Server at Trevelyan College Bar. I’d like to dispute the verity of your recent statement that we here at Trevs Bar (the best college bar in Durham!) have an “admirable tolerance for shenanigans”.

    Any of you darts hooligans who have been under my wrath on a Monday night will know of my absolute forbiddance of chanting, “chopping pints” and general laddish behaviour.
    If you Castle boys EVER step foot in MY bar again, you can bet your bottom dollar that you aren’t getting served, and porters will be summoned!
    Utterly disgraceful!

    Screw you Moriarty!


  • Normal bloke at Butler

    As a member of Josephine Butler, I can confidently confirm, it’s shit.

  • Liam

    So the list was based on looks and bars (and then you’ve added in Hatfeild just because everyone has banter with Hatfeild instead of actually taking time to consider if Hatfeild merits it’s reputation). Nothing about the student experience, student satisfaction or welfare, probably the most important things to consider about college life. I’m guessing this article was written by a “lad”.

    • Missed the point of tabloids..

      Because everyone would love to read an article genuinely rating Durham’s worst colleges? The whole point of the tab is that it’s a bit of a laugh

  • Nihar Navapurkar

    Surely Butler is up there. Most people there are either too poor or too much of a pigeon to understand my humour, hence my lack of ‘likes’ on facebook. Too few public school educated loose men for my liking. Still, it’s probably better than Trevs – at least there are several boozehounds like me relentlessly deleting pints on the odd occasion in the bar #StillWishI’dBeenAcceptedByHatfield #BigFishSmallPond

  • JammyBastard

    ‘(no one counts Stockton)’

    Fuck off.

  • Tom

    Another quality article from the tab

  • Scoish Velociraptor Maloish.

    this article was horsesh1t. Sorry but I’d rather dip my testes into a pool of ravenous piranhas than read another like that.